29-10-2010

this day is one year we seperate . n you know what ? there is still a pirce of my heart that still loving you . but i don't let all of my heart keep loving you because you really don't deserve it . i know when i'm with you , i am the happiest girl in the world . but i don't want hurt again . n i know you won't be mine . you won't come back . so now i will stop hoping . gw berusaha gmn pun cara ny buat kontek lg sama luu , think that all the things can change like before . gw tw smw yg gw lakuin itu bisa bkin gw malu . gw pkir luu masi ky dlu , kalo luu masi org yg gw kenal gw pkir luu bkal seenggany kasi tw gw musti gmn . tp ini apa ? luu sama tmn" luu cma bkin gw bahan leluconan . luu ga tw seberapa gw tkt ny buat ky gt ? buat kasi tw luu gw masi sayang luu . luu mala buat gw jd becandaan ? yg bner ajaaa ! gw tw luu ud sayang bgt ma dy . sampe luu bisa tahan sampe selama ini . tp luu tw ga gw ini kepo kalo ttg luu , gw mau tw semua . luu tw ga setela gw tw semua ituu , tetep sakit hati gw . bner" sakittt sampe netesin aer mata lg. gw tw ini sala gw sendiri krn gw cari tw . tp seenga ny kita dulu perna saling sayang . ngertin perasaan gw dikit kek . dr dlu luu selalu egois . plis brubahhh . jng eois lg . mule skr gw ud ga bkal berharap lg . enough ! i will love my boyfriend like i love you before n i will never ever hurt him because he is a good guy . not like you . until know i still don't know why i been in love with you . if god let me repeat the time . i wish i never meet you . i hate youu ! but still i love you ? i am not suree . for now , i push my self to hate you . because i will hate myself if i still love youu .

Is it worth to keep fight or let it go ?

Gw lg pny problem bgt , org yg lamar gw dateng ribuan mil k indonesia cma buat ketemu gw , gw stress sama masala ini soalny gw ga suka sama dy . Dlu dy cma tmn biasa pas akhirny gw tw dy suka sama gw , gw lgs risih kalo ad dideked dy . Umur ny jauh boo . Gw beda 10 taon . Gw bner" ga suka dy . Dy ud ga maen nembak"an tp lgs maen lamar . Gila ajaa . Gw masi muda mann . Belom siap n gw ga suka luu ! . Tp gw ga bisa nmng itu semua soalny dy pkirny gw ga tw ap" ttg ini . Masala begni gw pngen bgt cwo gw ad disamping gw . Pertama , okeh dy ad buat gw dngerin curhat gw gmn risihny gw sama si tua itu . Si tua itu ajag gw pergi n i need my friend buat temenin gw pegi sama dy .Cowo gw mala ilang. Gw tw kita emg susah kontek kr beda negara , gw ngerti luu ga bisa selalu ad disamping gw . Tp seenggany pas gw lg down bgt luu tmnin gw . Luu yinggalin gw maen sama gem luu itu berjem" emg gw pernah komplain ? Gaa kan . Gw cma mau luu tenangin gw , dngerin isi hati gw pas gw lg begini . Tp luu yg ga tw ap" mala enak ny aj bil gw asik"an ? Luu tw ga seberapa gw sedi n risihny td ? . Stress tau ga . cwo gw mala sala paham . Yg bisa tebangin n temenin gw akirny siapa ? Ko" gw . Dy baik bgt dr dlu selalu ad buat gw gmn pun gw susah . Dy dngerin gw , dy tenangin gw . Dy mw bantu apapun . Dy buat gw lupa masala" gw . Ohh god thanks i hv my brother :) . Ko" gw dr dlu sampe skr org yg bisa gw percaya n selalu ad buat gw . Gw bner" sayang dy . But as a brother . Haha . Cwo gw ? Kmn skr dy . Msn ny mati . N gw cma bisa kontek dy disituu . Kemana dy selama gw sedi n susah ? Gw cape jg sama semua ini . Mau udahin aj rasany . Kalo seandainy cwo gw yg skr itu adalah mantan gw . Dy pasti ada disamping gw , temenin gw hibur gw , ajag gw pergi n bkin gw lupa sama masala gw like my brother . Aaaaaa gw stresss bgt .

what is this feeling ?

tiba" merindingg , hati sakit tiba" , sedi bgt feel so lonley tp aer mata ga bsa keluar. udah kering nih aer mata kyna. gw kangen bgt sama mantan. tiap liat fto dia, lgs merinding. keinget smwny, dr awal sampe abis. dia baik bgt , slalu bkin gw nyaman, bkin gw jd lebih baik. biarpun kadang suka galak. tp gw ga tw sampe skr gw sala apa sama dia yg bkin dia berubah n ninggalin gw. tw ga sampe skr rasany itu selalu ad, sakitt bgt. tp gw sayang luu, masi ngarepin luu balik lg pdhal luu ud nyakitin gw bgni. gra" luu gw jd ngrasa bersala sama cwo gw yg skr. gw ga bisa sayang sepenuhny, ga bisa percaya dia, selalu nutup hati gw biar gwga disakitin lg, biar gw ga ngrasa ky dlu lg. setiap hari biarpun ad yg nemenin , ada yg perhatiin tp gw ngerasa lonley, org" ga ad yg tw isi hati gw. smw tw ny gw seneng" , ud lupain luu , perfect couple sama cwo gw. tp itu semua cma mask buar nutupin kesedihan gw. the truth is tiap hari gw liatin fto luu, berharap luu balik, berharap bisa sama lu, berharap bisa seneng ky dlu lg, berharap bisa kerumah lu, ktemu kuarga lu, lu k hum gw, bcnda" bareng lg , main sama kuarga gw :( . luu tw ga gw selalu ngrasa sendiri tiap hr, nangiss ga jelas. org" pun ud cape dngerin omongan gw yg melow, gw pun ud cape sama smw ini. apapun yg cwo gw lakuin , yg cwo gw nmng k gw. smw gw anngep bullshit, cma gombal". trs gw slalu banding"in dia sama luu. jelas kalo kata tmn" gw cwo gw yg skr lebih baik dr luu, gw pun jg tau itu. tp diri gw ga terima krna bagi gw cma luu doang yg paling baik buat gw. mungkin ga sih luu balik k gw ? munkin ga sih dlu kalo gw ga ptsin luu n anggep smw masala itu ga ad , luu tetep ada disini sama gw ? plis gw cma ga mau ngrasain ky gni lg , bisa ga luu kasi tw gw gmn carany ? satu"ny jln yg gw tw ,gw musti amnesia biar bisalupain luu , kalo luu baca ini pasti luu lgs tw luu org yg gw maksud . i stiil love you. kalo luu balik k gw , sbnerny gw ga tw jg sih mw terima luu lg ap ga, gw ga mau sakitin cwo gw yg skr. tp gw pun ga tw dy bner" tulus sama gw ap ga. yg gw tw, luu doang yg bisa bkin ge seneng bgt. gw ud coba sama beberapa org tp smy ny bner" ga bisa gantiin luu :(

The things that i miss

Orphan - cabut sekolah , tdnya mw nntn di sarina, akhirnya nntn di gi . Satu studio cma ada kt
Proposal - kita nntn d plaza senayan
Harrypotter - nonton d gading
Surrogates - gara" gempa ganti film . Di moi
Up - nntn d senayan city , pulang ny d tangkep polisi . Pas nntn dia sweet bgt
G force - pas ak sedi dia tny kenapa :)
Ugly turth - tdny nntn ini sebelum gempa . Baru 45 mnit eh ad gempa kita lari" b2
Star trex - nntn velvet di pacific place . First kiss
Angel n demonds - nntn di gading . Dia ngebet bgt mw nntb ini mluu
Seventeen again - kita nntn 2x , digading 22ny . Haha
Ice age - nntn d gi , lucu bgt film ny
Night at d museum - pertama kali jadian
Mr magnarium - lupa nntn dmn
meet the robinson - dirumah
scoobydoo - dvd dirumah
bed time stories - dvd rumah

i still hv many but i forget :( .

mm , still hv many but i forget

Why ?

I miss you my sid , i don't know why but when i endcall with my boy , i always remember about you , i don't want the thing like this keep going . I want you just disapear from my mind n my heart , because if like this i really hurt my boy :( . The memories between you n me always spining around in my mind . Why all that you do to are to good to be true . Although the bad memories seem good for me . I really miss your shoulder , i miss you lips your smell your arms . You you youuu , i miss miss youuu :( . I wonder hv you ever miss me ? Feel what i feel ? I just can't move on . Whenever i think bout you whenever i remember or look at you photo , seems like my heart is just hurt so badly . I always wanna cry . All that i want is to be with you . If i had one more chance , i will never ever let you go . N never walk away again . So soory n i forgive ur mistake too . Please back to me . Just to have you , i will be the happiest person in the world . I can't feel the feeling like when i'm with you with another man . My secret that everyone don't know is i still love you n waiting for you love . I will wait nomatter howlong it take . Because i love you really . Just you . I still search everything about you . Sometimes i just to tired . You know how hard i try to just take your attention . You know how hard i try to get you back , to tell you that i still love you . Everything i ever do just to tell you i still care n love you . But seems you really don't care :( . I already tired to cry , to try n to love you . But my heart just don't care . And still wanna love you . I can't see my future without you . Its all seem like a big hole n i'm alone . Will you back ? Will you be my man again ?? Sorry for my boyfriend but i still love my ex , you just don't know what i really feel . I can fake my heart . But the real one i still think about him . I miss you my sid . I really miss you . Wish you can be mine again n love each other like we used to :)

sory

biar gimana pun gw coba pacaran lg , coba sayang sama org lg . itu semua bner" ga bisa . gw ud jadian lg tp kyna rasa itu cma rasa suka . bukan rasa sayang . kadang kalo laki gw yg skr nmng ap sedikit yg sweet" gtu , gw lgs bayangin mantan gw . dosa kah gw bgni ? . gw masi ngarep bgt sama mantan gw . coz cma dy doang yg bisa buat gw ngerasa seneng , kangen , sayangg . dy doang yg bisa buat gw sayang sama orang tanpa alesan . munkin gw ga akn pernah ngerasaiin rasa itu lg dlm hidup gw . tp kalo tuhan kasi kesempatan gw cma pngen seari aj sama dy . ngerasaain rasa itu lg . munkin ga sih nnti ad org laen yg bisa buat gw ky gw sayang sama mantan gw ? . gw kangen bgt sama dy . gw ud coba gmn pun jg sama cwo gw yg skr tp bner" ga bisa . gw masi sayang bgt sama mantan gw . smwny ingetin gw sama dy . pngin nangis rasany . tp ud capee . pngen nmng sama org" tp pasti org" jg ud bosen dngerin ny . gw musti gmn skr ?? gw bner" merasa bersala bgt sama cwo gw yg skr :( . sorry bgt yah . andai luu tw ap yg gw rasain . pasti luu bkal skit hati bgt . soryyyyy . gw cma mencari rasa gw yg dlu . tp bukan luu org yg tepat . ga tega bgt . gw merasa jahat bgt ky bgni . gw mw tinggalin dy , tp dy butuh gw . hidup gw jau lebi seneng kalo gw ga pacaran sama luu . pacaran sama luu bner" biasa aj , ga ad seneng" ny . mala gw jdi ad beban :(((( . gw gabisa lakuin ap aj yg gw mauu . gw bner" pngen pts bgt . ini bner" ap yg gw rasainn . didepan gw bisa sweet" sampe org pikir gw sayang luu . tp dalem ny , luu cma tamen gw buat nutupin rasa sayang gw k mantan gw . luu cma jdi boneka badut yg hibur gw tiap harii . sorrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyy . ga tw musti nmng ap lg . gw jg ga tw bkal gmn kedepan ny :(